I saw a quote somewhere that said “helping others heal is healing in itself”. It sounded so distant, so unattainable. I wrote that phrase on the bathroom wall in a desperate call for help. I thought maybe someone would see how shattered I was and come help me. But no one came. The weight of my emotions were so tremendous that I couldn't get a full breath. I couldn't breathe. I felt like someone was not just holding me underwater but that I had been pushed so deeply down that the pressure was crushing my lungs. But I had to get up. I had to get up and swim as hard as I could to break the surface. Because it wasn't just me. I had children on the other side of the bathroom door begging me to come and play with them. It was the beginning of the pandemic, so school was closed, no friends, family, or babysitters were coming. Their dad had left and wasn't coming back. It was just me. So begins the story of how I figured out how to survive. And how to feel better. 

I am not a therapist and I have not taken online courses to learn how to coach you. What I do have is a PhD in my own  experience and years of note taking from my coaches and therapists that got me to where I am today. In addition, I now have hundreds of accumulated hours of experience in the sector of trauma and grief support. It started with a friend asking for an attorney referral, then my neighbor asked the same. Then another friend called to process the complicated emotions she was having over learning her abusive ex-husband had passed away, leaving her to peacefully parent her young children alone. The next thing I knew, I was taking two hour meetings at coffee shops listening to a new story that sounded so similar to the others I had heard and explaining stages of grief and how to start the process of divorce when in shock and trauma.

When I was at my lowest, I would have paid anything to have someone sit by my side and just help me. To hear me. To have my back. My brain was in a fog. How could I deal with attorneys and court, not to mention process my ex and his mistress taking my children from me on holidays? I needed help to figure out my budget, how to procure this list of hundreds of documents my attorney was asking for (not exaggerating, its hundreds). I was so hurt, my emotions so big. And I was completely alone with no one to help aside from my very expensive legal team (speaking from experience, this is not who you want to pay to listen to you vent or process). I did everything I heard of to feel better. I went to a therapist, then a psychologist. I tried medication and then tried “medicine”. I went to TRE classes (Trauma Release Exercise). I even had the luxury of a life coach and worked with energetic healers. I found a divorce support group for women. The mediator was not very helpful  but I was grateful for the connections and help I received from the other women. It took a while but one day I found myself immersed in communities that talked about healing trauma all the time. We sat in hyperbaric chambers and infrared saunas. I read the books…though it took years. And learned about body doubling, a service I had so desperately wanted but never knew it existed.  

And then one day, it was over. All the trauma and stress seemed to dissipate. The brain fog was gone. It really did end. I could breathe naturally and normally. But holy fuck it was hard to get there. 

What I offer now is the support I so desperately wished I had back then. The good news is that you don't have to reinvent the wheel. You just have to know it exists and luckily, you found this community. We are here to help you heal. And we are thankful for the opportunity. Because it helps us to continue healing ourselves.